College football begins.
Hook ‘em Horns!

3rd date tonite. Wish me luck!

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4 weeks too soon
for promotion?

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I didn’t think so.

And bcuz of everything that’s happened so far, I’ve adopted a new way of handling responses to my online profile. At least I can control that, right? RIGHT?

So here goes…

I look at the guy’s profile first. BEFORE I read his message.

And if his profile says that he’s looking for a relationship?

DELETE.

Yep. That’s it. End of the line. He doesn’t even get a courtesy read. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Hasta la vista baby.

Cuz really, what’s the point? He’s clearly lookin for something I’m not able to give. I mean, HELLO. My divorce has been final for A MONTH. Why start a conversation with him only to have to eventually tell him I’m just not in that kind of place right now?

Exactly.

And don’t even get me started on why they think it’s a good idea to even send me a message in the first place when my profile specifically says that I’m NOT LOOKING FOR ANYTHING SERIOUS.

But I digress.

So…

I get a new message today. And I almost click to read it.

But I stop just in time and click to view his profile instead. And it says that he’s looking for a relationship. Long-term. So yeah, no.

I go back to delete the message. But the subject line stops me. It’s totally different from the “Hi” or “Hello” I usually get. I think it can’t hurt to read the message.

So I read it.

He introduces himself and then asks if I have room for a new friend. Nothing creepy. Nothing stoopid.

And now I don’t know what to do.

Do I stick to my guns and delete the message? Or do I send a reply?

Any suggestions?

We shall see…

*****

*theme song*

WELCOME TO THE DATING GAME!

Host: Our next bachelorette is a 40-year old 2-time loser divorcee from Utah, who likes music, movies, camping, and crafts, feels horny alone, and feels the need to get laid get back out there. Please welcome…STACEY!

*applause*

Host: So, Stacey. You’ve signed up on a couple of online dating sites.

Me: Yes I have. (No, I’m not gonna tell you which sites I signed up on. And no, it wasn’t eHarmony, cuz they have this tiny little ANNOYING quirk that your divorce has to actually be FINAL before they will let you become a member. And it wasn’t yet. Assholes.)

Host: You’ve survived the challenges of creating a username (eliciting help from a friend who has experience in online dating, laughing at every suggestion she came up with, and in the end choosing an absolutely retarded safe name), completing your profile, uploading a picture, and writing your description.

Me: *nervous laugh* Y-yes.

Host: And you’re not looking for anything serious?

Me: That’s correct. I just want to meet new people and have some fun.

Host: Well great! Let’s get to know the bachelors then!

Me: Bachelor #1, you have a really nice smile.

B1: Thanks.

Me: How would we get to know each other better?

B1: Well, we would start by e-mailing each other while you are in Vegas for the weekend with friends. After a few great e-mails, you would give me your cell number.

Me: Sounds good.

B1: We would start texting each other and those would be good too. I’d even suggest that we go dancing so that we can fix your out-of-practice 2-step. We would trade pictures and your friends would tell you I’m cute.

Me: I like that.

B1: And on the day you’re going back home I would ask if you made it back to the hotel before dawn. Then I would comment that your trip couldn’t have been all that great if you didn’t gamble and didn’t hook up with anyone.

Me: Oh……ok.

B1: We would continue to trade texts for a few hours while you are driving back home. And then I would just stop texting. For no reason. And when you send me an email a few days later, I won’t respond.

Me: ………

B1: And to top it all off, a week later, I’ll include you in a generic holiday greeting I send to all my contacts. That spans 7 text messages.

Me: Well, you would only have been the 1st I’ve met, so cute or not, I won’t let you discourage me. But you should know that I would think you’re an asshole. I’m just saying.

Me: Bachelor #2, same question.

B2: Have you had any luck yet?

Me: Not yet. I’m new to this. What about you?

B2: I’m new too.

Me: So how would we get to know each other better?

B2: Sex.

Me: Wha?

B2: Sex. You want sex, right?

Me: (YES!) No, that’s not what I’m looking for. (That’s good. Sound innocent so he won’t think you’re a ho.)

B2: Well, it’s been over a year for me. And I’m a nice guy. And you’ll get an orgasm.

Me: (Which means you’re prolly an axe murderer. And it shouldn’t matter that it’s been over a year for me too.) Mmmm… (Oh shit. Did I say that OUT LOUD?)

Me: Bachelor #3.

B3: Pick me! Hint hint.

Me: What would be your idea of a good first date?

B3: Well, after trading some text messages, I would suggest that you should invite me over for a drink, cuz you clearly need ice or…something. You would invite me over, we would have a few drinks, talk, and get to know each other.

Me: That sounds nice.

B3: At the end of the date, I would act confused on whether I should shake your hand, hug, or kiss you. You would offer me a hug, and I would not let you go very quickly, even though you try to pull away. I would insist on quite a few more hugs before I leave, too.

Me: Um……

B3: After I got home, I would text you pictures of my cats and tell you I wish I had gotten even more hugs from you. Then I would text you just about every day (including more cat pics) and tell you I miss your company. And your liquor cabinet.

Me: Making me wish you would lose my number. Like yesterday. The people I text every day are those that I’ve known for a couple of DECADES. Not a couple of DAYS. Btw, can I get your last name? I need it for the restraining order.

*****

Perhaps it is too early for me to be playing this game.

P.S. It’s taken me forever to finish writing this.

P.P.S. I keep having to stop writing and start drinking.

P.P.P.S. To try to forget.

P.P.P.P.S. That Bachelor #3 WON’T. STOP. TEXTING. ME.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I think I might put Bachelor #2 on speed dial.

So tired of daughter’s half-ass attitude.

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2. SLCC must have heard all my bitching about their web design degree req’s. Cuz the new catalog now includes a couple of art classes that focus more on the digital design aspect. Yep. I totally made that happen. And I didn’t even have to give a blow job.

3. I’m putting together a playlist of really good sex songs. You know, for when I actually have sex again. With someone else, that is. Recommendations are welcome. For songs. Oh…OK. I’ll consider partner recommendations too.

4. I think my blog needs an overhaul. And I don’t think my skills are quite there yet. So if you stop by, and it’s a bright purple background with neon green text, bear with me. I’m still learning. And the spots you see will eventually fade. I promise.

5. I bought new sheets, a new comforter, new pillows, new shams, and even a brand new mattress. And I STILL wake up stuffed up. Every. Damn. Morning. I give up.

6. I still have to think before I introduce myself, especially when I’m on the phone. You would think that the 20 years I went by my maiden name would override the 14 years I went by my married name. Oh, and GUESS WHAT? If you shorten my name, I’m sPad. Fucking awesome.

7. If I have it my way, I’ll be partying with all the hotties at BlogHer@Home in my new place. And I’ll be KIDLESS that weekend! I can’t wait! Now I just gotta find someone to bankroll my booze.

8. Dating. Fucking. Sucks. Or maybe it’s just that dating in Utah that sucks. No. I’m pretty sure dating bites the big one globally. I think I’m gonna need more alcohol to get through this. Or even just to get through the post I’m writing about my experiences thus far.

9. Coming up with 10 things is HARD. I think I may need more caffeine. In the form of Starbucks of course.

10. 2 packed boxes is NOTHING in the grand scheme of things. I still have a shitload of crap to pack. So, if you’re heading out my way, and have a death wish wanna help, I would be more than happy to help you out (we have lots of high places here) SOOO grateful to have you here. Oh, and I have beer. And wine. And liquor. Did I mention that I have no trouble resorting to bribes?

And I’m trying not to get my hopes up.

Yet.

*****

Lemme back up a bit.

After being laid off at the end of February, I didn’t rush to start looking for a job. I didn’t have to. I was receiving a decent severance paid bi-weekly, just like a regular paycheck. Plus the job market here sucked ASS. So what was the point of putting myself out there, only to be slapped in the face every time I turned around?

Exactly.

*****

So now it’s a few months later and the severance is running out.

And the lease on my townhouse is running out.

And I got a letter yesterday that the owner of the townhouse is listing it for sale and I’m supposed to give my 30-day notice.

And I can’t move to a new place until I have continuing income.

(Have I mentioned that I hate moving? Well, I fucking hate it.)

And I haven’t gotten any response on the resumes I have sent out so far.

And I’m FREAKING OUT.

But…

I got an email on Tuesday from a recruiter that found my resume on Monster for a possible data entry position. I called him yesterday and expressed my interest in the position. I had my 1st interview today, which I hope will get me a 2nd interview with the hiring manager next week.

The interview went well. I think.

They are looking to fill 2 positions. The recruiter hopes to call tomorrow to arrange 2nd interviews for the beginning of next week. He also said the goal is to make offers by the end of next week.

It would be really REALLY great if this job worked out. Y’all are rooting for me, right?

Hope everyone had a great Independence Day!