I wanna apologize. I haven’t shown my face around here for a while now. And I’m not happy about it. Not one bit.
I’ve been struggling with writer’s block lately. Sure, I’ve had it before. Small amounts of it, anyway. This latest bit, though…has been bad.
Bcuz of the… *looks left. looks right.* …(whisper) the ‘D’ word.
It’s not going well. And we haven’t even filed yet. Yeah, I hear y’all saying “Does ANY divorce go well?” And immediately, my naivete screams “FUCK YEAH IT DOES! You just have to work at it.” Which is why I keep that part of me drowning in booze. Cuz she’s almost as annoying as my conscience. Almost.
I have actually wanted to talk about it. Really, I have.
No, REALLY.
The few times I have tried to get it out, though, I feel overwhelmed. Everything comes to the surface. So many thoughts. So many emotions. I might get out a sentence. Or two. And that’s it. End of story. But usually? I get nothing.
Nuh-thing.
I can’t even begin to put together a cohesive thought. It’s so frustrating. And when you add fear to the mix (yeah you read that right), it just becomes a big fucking mental mess.
Yeah, I know I’m being vague. I’m sorry. I hate that I feel I have to be vague. I should be able to say what I want here. This is MY GAWD DAMN BLOG. But I can’t. I can’t even joke about it, bcuz I’m certain that my words will be misconstrued. Used against me. I’m fairly certain that even what I’ve written in this post will cause trouble. And I haven’t even really said anything. *banging head on desk*
I mean, y’all know I’m totally full of shit. But to someone looking in from the outside, who doesn’t know me? Or someone who wouldn’t think twice about being a… well, you know (insert favorite expletive here). Yeah, that’s a whole different story altogether.
Once the dust starts to settle, though, I WILL write about it. Until then, I’ll continue to put one foot in front of the other (I’m really showing my age with this link, so you should totally check it out).
I thank you all so much for your patience with any long bouts of silence I may have here. Especially if they’re followed by a sappy, ranting, bitchfest, that leaves you wondering, “Why the hell did I EVER start reading her blog?” Y’all are fucking awesome.
