Disclaimer: Today’s GTT post has the potential to be really REALLY offensive. Yeah, I know. What about my blog ISN’T really really offensive? Point taken. However, if you would rather not take the chance of being offended, you should click over to read about trolls. Cuz honestly. What’s offensive about trolls?

Hey! Did y’all hear? The Olympics are going on right now. No, not the games with the swimmers and the gymnasts. The OTHER games. The WINTER Olympics. Yeah, the games with the questionably masculine figure skaters and the red-headed snowboarding god that made me totally wanna have his babies last night. That is, if I even wanted to have any more babies. And since this baby factory is permanently CLOSED, I’m thinking the chance of me having his red-headed babies is… um… ZERO. But I bet he dies his hair anyway.

Anyhoo… Today’s Girl Talk Thursday question asks “What would you be an Olympic champion of?” Well, shit. That’s easy! I don’t even have to think about this one AT ALL. And it’s a totally new Olympic event, so the gold is gonna be all mine. ALL MINE. Wanna know what it is?

Blow Jobs

Bet you wish you had clicked on that link to go read about the trolls right about now, huh?

And now I bet you’re asking, “Is she SERIOUS?”

Well, if today were different, I might write this whole long thing about my prowess with oral sex and leave you really scratching your head wondering if I was dead dog serious or if accidentally overdosed on Nyquil last night and was still feeling the effects.

But today is what it is. So, I guess a better answer to the question is that I am an Olympic champion of survival. I’m trudging through this challenging course that is life. With my latest set of obstacles of staying in school, looming unemployment, and being a single parent. Again. And I’m surviving. I’m still here.

I’m not the only one out there doing it, though. We all do it. We all make it through each day, through all the trials and challenges that are set before us. Sometimes we miss and take a deduction. Sometimes we totally crash and burn, eliminating any chance for a medal on that round. And sometimes we TOTALLY FUCKING ROCK IT and get the gold.

And that’s all we can do.

I salute you all, fellow champions!

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So raise your hand if you were even the TINIEST bit curious about what I would have written if I had stuck with my 1st answer. Uh-huh. That’s what I thought. Y’all are as sick as I am. Good for you.